Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Quotes, Laughs, Jokes, One-liners, Sermon Illustrations

I just wanted to let you know of a place where you can have some laughter sent to your inbox that is clean. Pastor Tim sends out emails almost daily with things to give a moment of laughter. You can click here to subscribe. There are several things that he sends out in these emails and here are a few samples below:

Today's CleanLaugh - "Hand Dryers"

My pastor friend put sanitary hot air hand dryers in the rest rooms at his church and after two weeks took them out.

I asked him why and he confessed that they worked fine but when he went in there he saw a sign that read,

"For a sample of this week's sermon, push the button."

Today's CleanQuote

"If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going." - Irwin Corey

Today's Oneliner

"The older I get, the faster I was."

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Joe's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch.

His wife, with hurt feelings, said, "What's the matter, Joe? Don't you like my singing?"

Joe replied, "Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."

Here is today's PearlyGates item - ”Parish Change”

A minister who had been with the same parish for many years, decided to leave and take a similar position in another church. Without telling anyone he had made this decision or writing a letter to the congregation, he waited until Sunday morning to announce his resignation in church.

When he spoke to the congregation he said, "The same Jesus that called me to this church many years ago has now called upon me to leave and serve another church."

The choir stood and sang, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus".

Today's CleanPun - "Waiter Feedback"

The diner was furious when his steak arrived too rare. "Waiter," he barked, "didn't you hear me say 'well done'?

"I can't thank you enough, sir," replied the waiter.

"I hardly ever get a compliment."

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Everything is Wonderful

My face in the mirror
Isn't wrinkled or drawn.
My house isn't dirty,
The cobwebs are gone.
My garden looks lovely
And so does my lawn.
I think I might never
Put my glasses back on.


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Nicholas said...

Nice one! I read the whole post and yes It is very hilarious. :D I minute of laughter satisfies my day. I remember when me and my wife attended a seminar with the theme "Is The Economy Putting Pressure On Your Covenant Marriage" and I thought that we always discuss about serious topics but all day long, we always crack jokes with others. That's all fun! Thank you again with the site..